Attachment

Sometimes the reactions we have just don’t make sense. You know that your friends love you but a barely visible frown sends you spiralling in self-doubt. You know that you deserve to be treated with respect, but freeze when someone makes a rude comment. You may find yourself lying awake at 2am wondering what you did wrong, or why you didn’t defend yourself.

What if you aren’t reacting to the present situation, but rather are re-enacting a response learned long ago? According to Attachment Theory, we develop emotional regulation strategies in response to the quality of care provided by our caregivers. If our caregivers were experiencing stress or depression, we learn to minimize our needs and put the well-being of others first. If we were frequently shamed as a child, we learn to shut down and freeze until the danger has passed.

Working from an Attachment-based lens means that we won’t simply try to control or “fix” our responses in the present. I hope that through our work together, you will gain a clear understanding of why you had to learn to react the way you do, and why it was so essential that you did so back then. There may be a part of you that still yearns to be heard, that longs to be healed. Awareness of our own responses, and self-compassion based on understanding the root of our subconscious responses tend to lead to resilience, self-esteem, and healthy boundaries.