An Attachment Lens in Therapy

My core philosophy when it comes to therapy is that the quality of our emotional bond with significant others directly impacts our ability to self-regulate, our self-esteem, our ability to form fulfilling relationships, and just deal with life stuff in general.

When we talk about ‘attachment’ in therapy, we are specifically referring to the quality of the emotional bond we had as a child with our caregiver(s). If we felt cared for, attuned to, and unconditionally valued for who we are, we learn to care for ourselves, accurately identify our needs, and are able to accept ourselves without too much struggle. If the emotional bond in our childhood was not enough to meet our needs, we develop secondary strategies to get those needs met, like people-pleasing, becoming hyper-independent, becoming excessively career- or money-driven, perfectionism/procrastination, etc.

I find working from an attachment lens in therapy particularly effective because I believe that everyone gets a second chance as an adult (feat. a fully formed pre-frontal cortex!) to learn what a secure attachment feels like and to take active steps to create that attachment for ourselves (a.k.a. re-parenting). Your therapist may start out by modelling a secure attachment for you in therapy, but the ultimate goal is for you to re-do your blueprint of yourself, others, and the world.