Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT)

Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT) is a couples counselling methodology developed by Dr. Sue Johnson, a Canadian psychologist and clinician (not to be confused with Emotional Freedom Technique which uses tapping to calm the nervous system).

EFT looks beyond the surface content of conflict between couples, and delves one layer deeper into the unmet attachment needs that may be setting off defensive or critical responses. Attachment needs may include a need for emotional safety, protecting one’s sense of self-worth, soothing or comforting, among many others. When we can articulate what each partner is actually striving for, we can look beyond negative interactions with compassion and empathy, thereby building a strong foundation of openness and acceptance.

EFT may be particularly helpful if one or both partners had unmet attachment needs in childhood, either through misattunement or outright abuse or neglect from caretakers. These attachment wounds tend to resurface in our interactions with partners/spouses, and it can be helpful to identify when interactions with partners are being hijacked by childhood wounds that have not been attended to.

Based on the EFT roadmap, we may work in session to dissect actual arguments, taking note of what was communicated and what was actually received, work to identify the underlying need that was driving the interaction. I may devise practice exercises that couples can engage in together during session, that are geared towards building a stronger awareness of what works and doesn’t work when communicating with my partner. The end goal is to create a positive interaction cycle that strengthens your relationship as time goes on.